They just keep growing up , then things change even more.

 

I’ve blogged about this to a degree before, how the kids get older and the life of the parents becomes seems to gather more free time. Given the Havock Monsters are 18 and 15, the boys are very self sufficient. Except of course when it comes to cooking and cleaning, doing the dishes and the myriad of other domestic chores. Don’t get me wrong, they are both very capable of doing such…it just getting the fkrs motivated to do it. This usually in involves a small shout or ..in the case of the youngest fella, planting my size 10 foot in his arse. BUT HEY..he is 15 and it does seem to be a repeat of the eldest…more time spent sleeping, more time spent not thinking about others.

 

If the young fella follows suit…to the eldest that is, he will grow out of that. Either that…or I will have him stuffed and mounted over the fire place.

Last Sunday though, both the Eldest fella, his girlfriend ( doesn’t that bring a whole new set of fkn issues..but I will post about all THAT later on), decided that they would head into town and go to the beach. SHOCK HORROR…he asked the young fella to come along as well, so having doled out some cash to the young bloke..off they went.

 

And here is where ………. it changed. Me and Mrs H at home alone, no kids etc..said that before, but this time they did not return until 11pm, which we knew was about their arrival time. So then the day needed to be filled in, at short notice I guess you might say.

 

Me, personally, I can think of LOTS OF THINGS..that would have filled in the time…. unfortunately..Mrs H was not on the same wave length, so we made a few call’s and pottered off to visit Friends.

Now, like most people I guess, we have friends that are at various stages of their lives, some, their kids have left home or are in their 20’s, other have young children, in the 5-8 bracket, a couple of other have babies.

My very close..or should I say, older mates, with whom I grew up with, are 300 k’s away in Horsham, they, like us, started the family early, not sure what happened there, I think with the girls its a real..she has one..I want one thing, or some crazy fkn internal pressure thing they seem to exhibit. But their kids are all close to the ages of my boys.

 

So finding ourselves at a loose end at short notice would have been a sinch, had we been up home. BUT WE LIVE IN MELBOURNE..well, the outer god like reaches of course. But what it did prompt, was that I need to start planning / developing if you will, life after the kids and with Mrs H.

 

It seems, that for such a lengthy period, your life is spent wrapped up, looking after the little darlings, footy, cricket, Karate, Tae Kwon Do or whatever it is they decided to pursue. Then, schooling gets rather important, apprenticeships and helping them look and fit into the work force. But once that all starts to bear fruit, they start to move on with their lives.

 

I guess, hell I know they will continue to be a part of our lives…I’ll probably have to kick the fkrs out of the house at 35 years of age..but they do take off, giving you a lot of free time.

So now…. we have to switch gears again, myself and Mrs H do plenty together, but that’s based on minimal time available..now all of a sudden it’s a lot more time.

Great place to be..but Its really different and I will wager, something very important with which I shall work on. For whilst it’s a great time and thing, the little voice in my head is telling me, that you need to get this right. WHY!. Well lots a free time can mean you both end up under each other’s feet, so there must be a balance; I think also, there is a rediscovery element here as well. It’s a case of finding things we BOTH really like to do together without the kids and of course…without breaking the bank.

Of recent, its been looking at the warmer climes, but that’s still 5 years away, once the youngest is at work or Uni, more likely work as he wants to be a chippy. But I will tell you one thing, we have thought about heading north and that leaves the kids down here, tug’s at the heart strings a bit to be honest. Myself and Mrs H in QLD and the boys  down here….mmmm, not so sure.

Anyways..the other issue is when your kids start going out of an evening..I’ll post on THAT one later. For now, I  have to start focusing on me and Mrs H.

 

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10 thoughts on “They just keep growing up , then things change even more.

  1. Good post.

    Looks like it’s time to see what you and the Mrs will like to do together-and now would seem to be a good time to do so. The kids are still there but won’t be for a lot longer.

    Actually, I suspect Mrs H will either a) at least find plenty for YOU to do, b) send you off with your friends so she gets a moment’s peace, or c) both a and b.

  2. Couple of interesting points there H. THe amount of sleep etc that teenagers take is actually backed up by a physical need for it, they’re not necessarily slack arses. Basically their entire brains and bodies are being reshaped by hormones at the cellular level and it’s pretty intense – which explains why they’re usually arseholes to deal with even if it doesn’t excuse it! The other thing is the empty nest syndrome is a real issue which you’d do well to think about – some couples actually find out after the kids fuck off that they don’t like each other and spending heaps more time together is pretty rank – you want to avoid that obviously! Huge thing in your favour – you guys are still gonna be relatively young when they do GTFO so you’ve got a lot of quality time ahead to do stuff with.

  3. It does pull at the heart strings when they do leave the nest. With one in Darwin and the other on Hayman Island, you tend to miss the monsters more than you thought you would. Makes me really appreciate my youngest who is still wonderfully young and dependent on me. Don’t know if she is so thrilled about having a parent that is so happy to have her around all the time.

  4. Great post, H. Being quite late to the marriage round-table (and no kids on the horizon for the short to medium term), I have not much to add to the debate. Apart from the fact that knowing that you’re contemplating it is a pretty good sign. Like Doc said, I’ve seen plenty of couples in your situation who don’t think about it and don’t plan and just end up in a pretty toxic soup of emotions to deal with heading into your 50s.

    Heading north? Can’t see the harm… from my dealings with you, it seems the climes would agree with you.

  5. DAWG!…she’s got A) well and truly covered I am afraid!.

    Doc, they are, its really interesting to watch the changes, not just bodily, but mannerisms as well…oh..AND HEIGHT!…jesus do they grow…AND FKN EAT!. But you hit the nail with empty nester’s. I feel its one thats not really been accounted for. Plenty of material about ref raising kids thats for sure. But having given this a little bit of thought lately…there is FA about on POST KIDS. OR MORE IMPORTANTLY..keeping the relationship intact enough, that when the kids departing / doing their own thing starts to arrive. You are already in the right sort of position / mind set. I get the feeling, this is one of those unnoticed silent fkrs that causes chaos and gets fk all attention paid to it.

    But like you mention, hell, well’ be 45-46ish, when the youngest is 18. So its a bonus in that sense.

    DD..it does, they aint left home yet like your’s and we have had THE discussion about the Military as the eldest has mentioned it. Mrs H went all MOMMA BEAR!…DAM didn’t she get animated about that prospect. FKN SCARED ME!. Mainly at the moment its when they go out, especially the eldest when out with mates to the likes of the pub. BAD SHIT can happen fast and I would be lying if i said I did not think about his welfare each time he heads off.

    Albion: CHEERS..I hoping I get it right…the consequences of fkn it up are like you say…TOXIC SOUP!

    FLINTHART:…funnily enough, I was thinking about you yesterday, where you guys are at, plus a couple of others.

  6. That youré starting the planning for it now means you give yourself yourself a chance to work it out. Good thinking.

  7. THERBS…well!…I’m hoping.
    All’s good in the camp, but……. I dont want that kinda storm to brew up..at all!..

  8. Great post, looking forward to the subsquent topics alluded to in the piece above.

  9. Interesting…. As you know, I’m gearing up to do the opposite! I will be fleeing the nest within a couple of months, leaving The Brat behind. Don’t think that’s going to be easy….

    As far as togetherness, neither J or I has had a live-in adult relationship for many years. At our ages it’s going to be interesting to see if we can cope with having a mate/partner right there all the time. We have our own friends and interests, and combining the two whilst maintaining our own space will be a challenge I think.

    Altogether, pretty scary times ahead, still what’s life without a little bit of risk?

    PS – I too am interested in your take on the teenage independence, girlfriend territory, going out at night issues.

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