CRICKET…, EVEN If the other side did fkn CHEAT!

Brilliant, its about all I can say!.

Saturday was a one day game, it was meant to be the second weekend of a two day session, alas, the Victorian weather last weekend washed out the first Saturdays play, so yesterday was a one day game. Now the league and its set up, is kinda different. We have A and B Turf as the top two sides, then we have A grade matting, B grade matting and C grade matting in the competition we are currently in.


I Captain the B grade matting side. As the A grade matting side had a bye this round, the C grade matting side was also two players short, I lost my opening bowler and another player to the lower grade. We also have district U16’s comps on at the mo as well, so two of the under 16’s were unavailable.

This meant we picked up in total, with unavailable players 5 guys from the garde above, which to be honest, is NOT that different in ability from our grade.

By the competition rules, you can only come down one grade at a time, this stops clubs stacking sides, eg, dropping half the A grade TURF team down to say C grade matting  for a crucial win……… and here is where it gets really fkn interesting.

The other side, being the arseholes that they fact, in my opinion, the whole club, Dropped 4 of their A Grade TURF players down into the B matting team.  Thats dropping them down 4 grades!..pretty nice of them.

So we flipped the coin, after I had asked for their team sheet, normally I would not really bother with the team sheets for the opposition, as clubs rarely do this…except this mob of mongrels.

Like normal, and being the GOD I am, I once again won the toss, seeing as that conditions were very FKN QLD ESQ,and the humidity was through the fkn roof, I elected to bowl first, looking for swing and also thing that later in the day I would be far hotter as well.


So out we went, 11 glorious centurions with their God at the Helm, leading from the front onto the field of battle, steam rising from the battlefields lush pastures, wild life scattering before the immortals!.

We opened up with full broadsides, the wind in our quarters, wet sails, tails up and seriously full of piss and vinegar and rolled the fkrs for 110, with 6 overs to spare. their much vaunted A Grade turf players amassing a paltry 30 odd runs between the four of them…they looked shell shocked, tails between their legs for the quality of bowling, fielding and catching slammed upon them like an angry deity. it’s seriously quite possibly the best team I have had the pleasure of playing a match with.

Throughout the course of our fielding innings the chatter and general banter was immense, no criticisms and plenty of sledging of the opposition, especially from our GOD like keeper, after all, its part of the job!.

Having skewered them reasonably well, we set off batting and I had the order already pre set from the Friday nights planning session in the study. I do not really care what some think, or even perhaps say, planning is everything, I had my first four bowlers planned on the day and everybody y knew where they were fielding and where they would bat. critically for all i believe, I had also  explained why they were battering where I had them in the line up.

Part of this, was that one of the opening batters from the A grade matting side was batting at number 9, the number 10 player for us, normally bats at 7 in the next grade up, so we had depth. the basis of this, was that should we have a collapse, which BTW…DOES HAPPEN on occasion, we might salvage the innings.


So off we trot, not a bad start as we were 68 at drinks after 17 overs with only 3 wickets down…and then it went kinda pear-shaped, the wickets tumbled and run rate slowed down, until we were down to the LAST OVER requiring 17 RUNS to WIN!….pretty fkn tense is about how you would describe it, given batters 9 and 10 were at this point occupying the crease.

So DAVE, gets a full toss 1ST ball and rather nonchalantly smacks a six out over COW CORNER!..and the waiting crown goes slightly nuts.

2 nd Ball: This one gets blocked…..ohhhhhhhhh and the crowd murmers. some starting to believe its all over.

3rd ball: This one gets pushed out through the covers and its for 1 run…we are all at this point nervious and wondering, some thing its gone.

We need 10 runs off three balls and the main bloke who can strike the ball is at the other end.

The young bloke batting must have been either shitting himself or thinking because he drops the ball at his feet and they scamper through for one, putting DAVE back on strike.

We now need 9 runs off two deliveries to win and I would not have used the spare change to lay a bet…I would have went against us at this point.

In trundles the bowler and its short of a length and DAVE promptly smacks it to the boundary for 4 runs, more jubilation from the masses, but its very quickly tempered by the fact that we need a 6 off the last delivery to win………NO WAY!

In trundled the bowler again, which I should have mentioned already was one of the A grade TURF players, down comes the red pill and dave swings straight through the line, up arcs the ball as it travels down passed the deep mid on fielder and promptly clears the fence, the crown erupts, goes FKN BERSERK MORE LIKE IT as we all stream out onto the ground clapping and cheers and generally behaving like we have won the grand-final.

I must say, I had by this stage already lodged an official complaint earlier in the day with the umpire about their breach of rules, but our plan was to roll the fuckers the best way possible and that was on the field of battle…AND FUCK ME WASN’T IT SWEET!




6 thoughts on “CRICKET…, EVEN If the other side did fkn CHEAT!

  1. Ah man, great result! Perhaps a few of your boys could don a baggy green to help our hopeless lot along.

  2. Albion, I reckon we fkn could, it was the best, line, length and bowled to the field. I deleted the fins leg, because the guys bowled stump to stump or just outside off. I reckon I took maybe a dozen balls down leg side for the whole day..if that.

    Doc..sorry..SPAM TRAP! Yeah it was a cracker. Long time since I have been so nervous and then went spastic.

  3. Fkn aces! I’m sure you were calm, cool and collected through that final over. Almost as good as explosions.

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