It’s interesting I guess, to look back on events, how they unfolded and how you reacted. For me this is part of the learning process, it’s also quite part of the process of dealing with the situation.
Only a week ago, I clearly remember talking with Mrs H and the subject was about the three kids who died when their vehicle went into a DAM. How would you cope with that, and then it quickly turned to just how lucky, as a family we have been. With the exception of the eldest sons accident when he was 12 years old, when he was run over by a tandem trailer loaded with olives ..that, was kinda stressing for all concerned.
The good news..well anytime something that can develop in to such a serious beast as cancer, that’s always cause for concern, luckily, its benign, a mere cyst.
I was told, two days ago by a close friend that I was a control freak and this situation, the possibility of the lump being cancerous and all the very dark, bleak possible ramifications that may well ensue, would be spinning me out because I could not control them…the possibilities that is.
That statement, didn’t really stop me at the time, the mind was already working at warp speed, in some cases running through the various what ifs, I’m not sure if that’s normal, to harbour such dark bleak thoughts, I suspect, it , the darkness, has its germination in that period of the unknown, the time, where the field of play is yet to be defined, the enemy unknown…and there, in that vacuum, ferments the really deep seated possible outcomes and the mind has the potential to completely run amok.
None of these stay for any period I might add, well certainly not with me because one must look forward, I’m not saying that’s easy, and one thing is for sure, the individuals reaction upon the receipt of bad news is unknown until such time as that news arrives. All we can do ever, is prepare ourselves, think through the what ifs and hope, possibly pray if you are that way inclined, and see what happens.
For those people out there dealing with these beasts, my heart and thoughts go out to you, for I only had a glimpse of what’s possible, you, those who are fighting that fight with sickness are the true hero’s, survivors and people who we all should really be looking too and supporting. You have true courage and I tip my hat to you all.
A s for blogs, the electronic interweb, the stance by some that’s its a benign, heartless and sterile environment, to you all, I say GET FUCKED!. WHY?, well that’s rather easy really. Just take a look at various forums and you will see the virtual community interaction, but to clarify my stance a little further I will utilise my own events here.
Both myself and Mrs H decided that aside from Her mother and a close friend of hers, that no others would be told of what was happening, certainly not until clarity on the situation had been established one way or the other. How did the on line community fit into this, well, whilst I have meet a lot of the people and have both real life contact and electronic discussions, it gave an outlet, one where you receive thoughts, encouragements and more so for me, a place where you can place your thoughts. Yes, i suspect in many situations you would receive complete arseholes making comments, but for mine, the number would be small and they are very easily ignored. So its a support mechanism and one that reaches far and wide, its almost instant too.
And its such a pity that many many individuals who perhaps feel isolated are not aware of the power of the web.
What really counts?, sometimes its small things, for me, it IS SMALL THINGS.
After we received the good news on Tuesday, both Myself and Mrs H sat down on the couch in the rumpus room, I placed a DVD that we had recently purchased on the player, Mrs H grabbed a big jar containing some mixed lollies, the lights were dimmed and we both snuggled up, blanket across us stretched out on the sofa and watched the movie.
Strange!, that’s what initially came to mind, then, all of a sudden it dawned on both of us, no kids present, no external distractions just the two of us once more in each others company and it had been so so long since I can recall such an event. Maybe the clarity of this was magnified by the situation, what might have come to pass, it’s certainly had an input, but what’s more tragic, is that it takes a scare or similar situation to develop to make an individual realise just what they have got.
For me, I challenge any male to dispute the feeling of one’s spouse laying beside you, their head on your chest, you hear her breathing, perhaps whilst your hand gently strokes through the strands of her hair. Her scent, the soap or perfume she wears, that’s familiar to your senses, fills you, its at that moment you perhaps realise just how fleeting this all is, how easily its lost and just how much you love her.
This person, whom, for the last 22 years you have shared your life with, hurt at times, laughed with and done all manner of crazy arsed things, the mother of your children, your partner, your mate and the one with whom, you can place all your trust and know, that when the real question is asked, you will receive nothing but the whole truth and their support with every fibre of their being..
I am lucky!