It’s interesting I guess, to look back on events, how they unfolded and  how you reacted. For me this is part of the learning process, it’s also quite part of the process of dealing with the situation.

Only a week ago, I clearly remember talking with Mrs H and the subject was about the three kids who died when their vehicle went into a DAM. How would you cope with that, and then it quickly turned to just how lucky, as a family we have been. With the exception of the eldest sons accident when he was 12 years old, when he was run over by a tandem trailer loaded with olives  ..that, was kinda stressing for all concerned.

The good news..well anytime something that can develop in to such a serious beast as cancer, that’s always cause for concern, luckily, its benign, a mere cyst.

I was told, two days ago by a close friend that I was a control freak and this situation, the possibility of the lump being cancerous and all the very dark, bleak possible ramifications that may well ensue, would be spinning me out because I could not control them…the possibilities that is.

That statement, didn’t really stop me at the time, the mind was already working at warp speed, in some cases running through the various what ifs, I’m not sure if that’s normal, to harbour such dark bleak thoughts, I suspect, it , the darkness, has its germination in that period of the unknown, the time, where the field of play is yet to be defined, the enemy unknown…and there, in that vacuum, ferments the really deep seated  possible outcomes and the mind has the potential to completely run amok.

None of these stay for any period I might add, well certainly not with me because one must look forward, I’m not saying that’s easy, and one thing is for sure, the individuals reaction upon the receipt of bad news is unknown until such time as that news arrives. All we can do ever, is prepare ourselves, think through the what ifs and hope, possibly pray if you are that way inclined, and see what happens.

For those people out there dealing with these beasts, my heart and thoughts go out to you, for I only had a glimpse of what’s possible, you, those who are fighting that fight with sickness are the true hero’s, survivors and people who we all should really be looking too and supporting. You have true courage and I tip my hat to you all.

A s for blogs, the electronic interweb, the stance by some that’s its a benign, heartless and sterile environment, to you all, I say GET FUCKED!. WHY?, well that’s rather easy really. Just take a look at various forums and you will see the virtual community interaction, but to clarify my stance a little further I will utilise my own events here.

Both myself and Mrs H decided that aside from Her mother and a close friend of hers, that no others would be told of what was happening, certainly not until clarity on the situation had been established one way or the other. How did the on line community fit into this, well, whilst I have meet a lot of the people and have both real life contact and electronic discussions, it gave an outlet, one where you receive thoughts, encouragements and more so for me, a place where you can place your thoughts. Yes, i suspect in many situations you would receive complete arseholes making comments, but for mine, the number would be small and they are very easily ignored. So its a support mechanism  and one that reaches far and wide, its almost instant too.

And its such a pity that many many individuals who perhaps feel isolated are not aware of the power of the web.

What really counts?, sometimes its small things, for me, it IS SMALL THINGS.

After we received the good news on Tuesday, both Myself and Mrs H sat down on the couch in the rumpus room, I placed a DVD that we had recently purchased on the player, Mrs H grabbed a big jar containing some mixed lollies, the lights were dimmed and we both snuggled up, blanket across us stretched out on the sofa  and watched the movie.

Strange!, that’s what initially came to mind, then, all of a sudden it dawned on both of us, no kids present, no external distractions just the two of us once more in each others company and it had been so so long since I can recall such an event. Maybe the clarity of this was magnified by the situation, what might have come to pass, it’s certainly had an input, but what’s more tragic, is that it takes a scare or similar situation to develop to make an individual realise just what they have got.

For me, I challenge any male to dispute the feeling of one’s spouse laying beside you, their head on your chest, you hear her breathing, perhaps whilst your hand gently strokes through the strands of her hair. Her scent, the soap or perfume she wears, that’s familiar to your senses, fills you, its at that moment you perhaps realise just how fleeting this all is, how easily its lost and just how much you love her.

This person, whom, for the last 22 years you have shared your life with, hurt at times, laughed with and done all manner of crazy arsed things, the mother of your children, your partner, your mate and the one with whom, you can place all your trust and know, that when the real question is asked, you will receive nothing but the whole truth and their support with every fibre of their being..


I am lucky!


17 thoughts on “I AM LUCKY

  1. That pretty much sums up what a perfect relationship is, big H. Luck is one thing, but working hard to achieve that sense of being with another person takes more than just luck. It’s great that you found it 22 years ago, but it’s even better than you’ve both nurtured and cherished it.

  2. Yeah, it’s all very humbling. It’s a shame that it takes a run in with mortality to give us all a slap round the head about what’s REALLY important. Life gets in the road of living and all that. I know what you’re feeling. It’ll only take a flu or food poisoning to take the missus out and that’s a cloud usually hanging around somewhere close by. I gravitate from nausea and FKN ill when the stress is on.

    Now all ya gotta do is flick the smokes. ;o)

  3. You are so right, on so many levels.

    Giving up control for the duration of this fight is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. Accepting that things JUST DON’T go according to plan.

    Apart from my family, my man, and my best friend, my small group of twitter friends were the first people I told. My blogs were a life saver in the beginning, though they are getting a little dusty at the moment. I’ll try to fix that this weekend, because the blogging really does help. Meanwhile tweeting gives me instant support hits, and right now I need that. So yeah, the Interwebz is an awesome tool.

    And your love and your family… it doesn’t get better than that. You are all lucky to have each other, though I know that plenty of effoert goes into maintaining that “luck”.

    Best wishes to all of you.

  4. You rock Big Boy. So glad that you and the wife were spared that trial … it sucks majorly.

    Nicely written.


    From the heart.

    Full of solid emotion and sharing.

    That being said, do you need me to send down a tablespoon of cement to help you harden the fuck-up girly-man?

    I’m kidding of course … but couldn’t resist.

  5. Meway..cheers mate.

    Doc..yeah, reckon ya right there

    Albion..YPE..very lucky I thinks.

    Nat..its all black, It was a fkn ring in that wrote that piece..lol. you go SPANKY!

    Moko..with ya. Its a knife edge,,just most people don’t really realise just how close, I suspect thats a good thing at times..maybe most opf the time.


    Mayhem, thank you, I was also thinking about you and other when i wrote this…do most days. keep at it!

    RHINO..thanks…WOULDN’t have expected anything fkn less..lol

  6. Chief, that’s one of the more profound things I’ve read of late.

    Too right as well. Nothing more I can say that you didn’t say much better.

    And we’re all glad Mrs H came through OK.

  7. You leave me speechless with that piece. I can relate to all that.
    Adversity shakes up your priorities . . .a lot. The risk of loss . . and its abeyance certainly concentrates the mind on what’s important.

    Wish I’d trotted over here earlier.

    I’m very pleased for Mrs H, yourself and all the little Havocks.

  8. Good stuff mate.

    Bit of your Kevlar must have spread tithe Cook and given her your indestructible properties.

  9. Nice one H
    Can’t say how stoked I am you ducked that bullet.

    For the first time in Dog knows how long SWMBO & I sat together last night on the couch for an hour or so and as you said it was really nice just the two of us, the “To Do” list ignored. That old Beach Boys song always comes to my mind at times like that. God only knows what I’d be without you.

  10. That is one ripper of a piece of heartfelt writing. Lucky? Maybe, but its borne of the both of you. Wonderful stuff.
    ‘Scuse me, I got something in my eye …

  11. YD / Brian, chers guys,,,yes, its a fkn great result..kinda glad…VERY!


    NBOB..the couch with the SWMBO…it really doesn’t get much better, very very calming, and all to fkn infrequent.


  12. Well I seem to have come in rather late but I’m very pleased all is good.
    Aunty Q.

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