Well all my observations and previous trips shrunk away last night as I climbed into a cab and realised, that my life was now in the hands of a fuck wit. That’s right, a dead set certified driving a piece of machinery capable of killing others and ME, He should never have been granted a licence car control fucking idiot.
At a personal level, the fellow driving the cab is quite possibly a great bloke, to be honest, I would not know if this is true or not, certainly I had no politeness issues with him except for the fact I COULDNT UNDERSTAND ONE FUCKING WORD HE SAID FOR THE WHOLE TRIP!. YEP, cant speak one fucking drop of I can decipher you fucking English.
I would be guessing and say the gentleman was Indian, hell, maybe Sri Lankan, maybe even a Pakistani for that matter. But what I do know is as follows.
1 I climbed in at southern cross station and said..Take me to BM please, via the west gate Freeway.
2 That resulted in a blank fucking look, some gibberish and me pointing the direction he should head, which resulted in an illegal U TURN ACROSS THE FUCKING TRAFFIC.
Q. What Cab driver does not know how to get to the WEST GATE FREEWAY, Melbourne’s biggest, stands out like dogs balls bridge I ont know, but I struck a fuckker who ha no clue.
3 HE drive the whole way, all 35 klms on the right side of the two lane freeway, yep!, thats right, lets not move over into the left fucking lane, lets be a cabbie with our head up our date, got my licence from a BAG OF FUCKING RICE stay out in the right fucking lane air sucking idiot.
4 Oscillation, weaving and general lack of car control , perhaps he was suffering some form of fine motor skill, temporary suspension. I have no clue. But its the wildest most wobbly fucking ride I have ever had, I actually wondered all the way home at what point we would have an accident,Thinking that my last act before I died, would be to ensure this fucker was already dead as a result of my hands around his scrawny fucking neck.
NOW, this all leads me to both Vic roads, and the Victorian TAXI Directorate. how in the fuck did this bloke get a licence, i wouldn’t put the fucker in charge of an OX CART, let alone a late model 6 cylinder automobile with PASSENGERS IN IT!.
whats just a fucking bad, imagine being a tourist and getting the dumb fucking GIT, that doesn’t know his way around the city..yes, i know he i only trying to make a living, but i thought some standards for cabbies might be a minor requirement, bit like being able to speak fucking English that doesn’t sound like its underwater and backwards dialect.
Both these mobs need to have thy head honchos dragged out into the open and the living shit beat out of them, the system, if thats what they really fucking call it is simply fucked, when somebody that cannot drive, cannot speak English and sure as fuck does not know the road rules, gets giving a Victorian fucking we will let you loose on our roads cos we are concerned about the road tolls driving licence and then get his stinking fucking carcass shoved into a CAB, where we guarantee that he is going to place the mortality of other at EXTREME FUCKING RISK!. What fucking tool does that. fuckheads at vicRoads and the taxi Directorate that’s who!.
I mentioned stinking fucking carcass, well, the inside of the cab suggested that , by the ODOUR, the vehicle is utilised for stock movements perhaps in its down time, that or there are several year old Kebabs rolling around the rear. For FUCK SAK, i had to have the window down the whole way home, I had to tell him he was in a 110 kilometer per hour zone because he was doing 85 and chewing up my hard earned fucking cash. the tone and level of growl I delivered the last to him, was clearly understood as the velocity of our wobble all over the road like a pissed newt certainly increased.
One thing is for sure, i can guarantee you, that visitors to Melbourne will receive a lasting impression of our city when the get in a Melbourne taxi, thats: they will have an ingrained stench within their skin after the trip, brown pants from shitting themselves and be completely fucking broke as a result of the trip go g via bum fuck east, cos the cabbie does not know the difference between the CBD and HOBART!. FUCK ME, what fucked up service. CAP THE FUCKERS!, CAP TEH FUCKWADDED, air sucking knuckle dragging dickheads at Vic Roads and the TAXI, we will manage it bosses as well.