Whats good about refrigerators, well they store stuff and keep the shit cool, they stop stuff going off, except for me and they allow you to grab a cold drink at anytime. not too bad really.
Thats exactly what I did at midnight last night. In our walk in pantry, which I DESIGNED BTW, Is our fridge, one of those, we had to have stainless jobbies when we first moved in, you know the type, keeps the cook happy co’s it matches with appliances, not that you can see the fridge mind you, as its IN THE PANTRY. BUT AM I GOING TO ARGUE WITH THE BOSS….FUCK NO!
But its the upside down type one, fridge on top for about 3/4’s of it and a freezer below. So before bed last night I decided on a drink, sitting in the fridge door, is a large bottle of that Juice, not the V8 veggie one, but some mix thats close. Honestly, I am not overly keen on it, but its apparently PULP FREE, not that I give a fuck and that’s mainly because I have not checked out what PULP FUCKING FREE really means. I do know, that if I buy juice that is NOT, Pulp Free, I am in the shit.
SO, I figured, some good juice for in the guts, HAVOCKS, dynamo working internal combustion engine would be a good idea, we reached in and grabbed the Bottle by the scruff of the neck with the left hand and extracted it. Like most Juices, they tend to settle a little bit, so I grab the 1.5 liters or whatever the hell size it is and give it a quick wrist flick with the left hand. Now, If this hand been the RIGHT HAND, it would have undoubtedly been more violent, but left it was.
So with a flick of the wrist we shake the bottle……..and then it happened.
THE FUCKING LID WAS NOT SCREWED ON TIGHT, the fucking thing flew off, orange juice launched itself into the Fridge, down the freezer door, across me, down the back of the shelves into the bloody crisper’s and pretty much tainted every fucking item in the fridge except for shit on the top and second top shelf.
Now, under ANY similar circumstances, this would be cause to go right fucking off, but at midnight, when Hav is ready for some beauty sleep and very tired, I SPAT IT. I think the words were…” FOR FUCK SAKE”, at about 100 decibels. EVERYBODY WOKE UP, everybody came and stuck their heads around the corner but BOTH the BOYS, one of whom is the culprit, took one look and scampered real fucking fast back to their rooms. Possibly a good thing, at that point I would not really have worried about collateral damage, I could have shot both the fuckers.
So and Hour or more later, all sticky, Ill fucking tempered, and me blood running at about 200PSI, I went back to bed, finally went to bed I should say, now this morning, neither of them think they did it. NO, ME!, no way, once again its those fucking gremlins that frequent this joint from time to time.