Well this is one of our grounds here that the juniors played on, last Saturday. As you will see its just covered is lush green grass, all flat like with no hint of uneven bounce, you know, the type where a ball will skim across the surface, hit a pot hole and take your fucking head clean off.


Another view, all juniors grounds are coned off, seniors which BTW play on this grounds as well, use the fence. its TYPICAL of what we play on, gravel rash and dust / dirt marks. If you want boundaries, well its smack it low across the ground or over on the full. Because if it goes up and land inside the  fence before the boundary, well suffice to say its like a fucking sand trap, the ball goes nowhere a lot of time.


So as you can see, Wicket Keeping on this is a real challenge, and THE HARDEST job by, far. thats why I DO IT. being a legend and all



A shot of the UTES interior for ya


A shot of the UTE , now basically finished


So the next time, you hear me going ballistic about a lack of fucking water, a lack of VIC gummit planning, just take a lokk at the result. Its a FUCKING DISGRACE and HAZARD and PIS POOR PLANNING on the BEHALF of FUCK-WADS, who really have no idea. Talk about stifling community activities.



  1. Those grounds are ridiculous! Talk about a bit of natural variation off the pitch! The uterus looks pretty sharp too

  2. Hmm, a rightfull dummy spit. Why not go national with it. You might get some results that way.

    Lurve the ute. Instant memories. Big smiles.

  3. Lerm, yeah they are pretty sad, well a joke really. We have two Turf grounds, that are on recycled water. but they are Seniors only and TURF grade. BFL for all other parties including the kids, which is a shame. Yeah, I happy with the old, looks NEAT, keeps the cops away.

    DD, not a BAD thought, I have not as yet, seen much on the new about grounds and the impact on kids sport. UTES ARE way wicked and hell, yes, memories

  4. Mate that place makes that abandoned West Indies ground from the second test vs the Pommy Bastards look playable no probs. Like 60 grade sandpaper blown up to sports field dimensions.

    So no thoughts of fulleh-siiiicking-up the WB? Statesman front, 44 gallon drum exhaust, bags and dubs?

    Yeah you’re right that’d be a shit idea. But still be fun to drop a GM Performance crate motor into it and still retain the look to keep the coppers disinterested.

  5. Doc, I so have to search me disks here. ute before this one was a HQ premier fronted job. BULL BAR. Cat mud flaps, Buckets with sheep skins, roll bar….HERE GOES.

    Front head lights, twin prem set up.
    90/100 watt high low
    130 watt high beam inner lights
    Roof Bar. 2 x Light force 240mm beams ( 50 watts ) But fucking huge and light the road for miles.
    2 x 140mm, pencil 150 watt arctic blue lights
    Bull bar, 2 x 130 watt hella Bull lights.
    Blue interior lights.
    CB Am set
    UHF set.

    All lights with Individual switches like a fucking fighter cockpit, I wanted to put switches in for rear brake lights, fuel pump and ignition. Went a little nuts. but the old girl was full of rust, boged her up and shot the whole ute with High Gloss enamel paint in white.

    High beam down the road with everything on, used to make the dash lights dim, thats with a high output cistom 80 amp alternator as well.

    Penzoil, Bundy and WINCHESTER stickers on the arse end, nearly forgot, she had HQ GTS fluted guards as well.

    Total for high beam down the road was 1120 watts of light, looked like the sun coming up.

    Only thing I never got to do that I wanted to, was one night, hook up a series of 150watt, porta flood lights onto a rack and plug them into my gen set, whcih would have been put in the back..THEN, THEN we would have had light. Considered Neons at one point too….BAD…VERY BAD

    oh, I plan at some point to put a V6 in her I think, kits are cheap now, but an injected V8 would be good.

  6. Dude … one word for your cricket thingy: Astroturf.

    Oh, and on the Ute … you must have gotten cheap because the steering wheel is on the wrong side.

  7. It’s ok Rhino, the way havock drives the ute is usually upside down, which fixes the steering wheel, wrong side issue.

    I am really worried about the footy season this year. Assuming there are enough recycled water feed grounds, they are still going to be as hard as a rock. I am too old to be bouncing off hard grounds like that.

    Ute is looking good!

  8. You guys would be better off just playing in a big open field. Those aren’t ‘grounds’-it’s a sandlot. And yes, the ball will either bounce in odd directions or hit a dirt clod and just die there.

    I’m a seppo dummy, Havock,so I don’t know, but is the ute a Holden? It looks like an early ’80s Chevy El Camino in the body style. I miss the El Camino and Ford Ranchero utes we sold here in the ’70s.

  9. Hey Havock, you need to remove the column shift, weld up the hole in the column, then clean it up with the grinder and paint.

    Knew a bloke with ute that he converted from column shift auto to floor shift manual. It was in the workshop at the dealership I worked at and an apprentice needed to move it. He looked inside, saw the column shift was in P, so he put his foot on the gas and turned the key. Unfortunately the floor shift was in reverse and the ute shot straight back and T-boned a brand new Celica. Ahhhh apprentices, you gotta luv’em.

  10. Yeah YD that’s an early 80s Holden WB ute. The Australian ‘ute’ is very similar to the El Camino style pickups of the early 70s – basically a family station wagon with the lid missing off the back half, a cheap way of making a farm/commercial vehicle out of a popular model line. Also because they’re usually lighter than the four-door – and particularly less weight over the rear axle – they’re often faster and more tail-happy, making them perfect for rural bogans to do circlework in paddocks with. The WB is legendary as it was the last Holden ute for many years – Holden switched to a European based platform for their big family car (the Commodore) which they didn’t engineer a ute variant off until the early 90s. Wheel has turned full circle now, GM were looking at a plan to bring left hand drive Holden V8 utes into the US as a reborn El Camino (as they’ve already done with the Pontiac GTO and G8, which were/are the Holden Monaro and SS-V Commodore respectively) but the Big Crunch has seen to that.

    And I think that even the big open fields look like this at this point in the drought, yeah?

  11. The other thing about utes is that by definition they’re not a family car, so they’re a bit like a sports car for blokes. Holden have been promoting their latest performance utes as basically a two-door sports coupe with an enormous boot, which is the market they’re aimed at. I think these days they sell more of the performance models than the stripped out tradesman/farmer specials (those sorts of clients tend to go for the dedicated pick up trucks like Ford Rangers etc.)

  12. Sorry one more ute related thing and I’ll GTFO. The other day I saw a Nissan Skyline GT-R (Godzilla, the one that buggered up Bathurst in the early 90s) that had been custom converted into a ute – cabin ended after the drivers seat, custom wellside tray built out of the back doors and the boot. Really nice job. About the last bloody car on Earth you’d think of making a ute out of, but nice job anyway.

  13. LERM, YEP!, FERAL, trying to straighten out LEGEND

    RHINO, ASTROTURF, we be El natural people here my good man, fresh cut Dirt in our Nostrils is what we LIVE FOR….

    OH, shes rated for 800KGS, even a Rhino can drive her, with the steering wheel being on the CORRECT SIDE OF THE CAR.

    Naut: THANKS. Yeah, the boys are both wanting to play, it might be a case of UPGRADING to Private health cover and buying padded suits.. its not good.

    YD: A paddock would possibly be better and your powers of observation are V GOOD. 1980 Model this one, and YES..General Motors HOLDEN..GMH here. RULES, KING and kicks the shit out of FORD POS equipment, not that i am biased mind you lol

    DOC, thats a pretty bloody good burst there, Not too fucking shabby if i do say so myself. Was the GTR in a Mag, if so which one.

    OH and don’t remind me of circle work……..pleeease!. 🙂

  14. Wow, looks a shitload better than mine. Mine kept burning out starter motors so I gave up.

    Least your cricket ground’s got more grass cover than my paddocks.

    Love it

  15. Simon, thats a worn ring gear and I don’t mean you arse either. The OLD girl was doing that, about 10 starters I reckon till I found out what the REAL problem was.

  16. Nah the GTR was literally driving down Portsmouth Drive in Dunedin. Might even be a local car – lots of interesting stuff around, quite a few hot rods and US muscle cars, there’s a local hot rod club – but that road is the one which leads out to the Otago Peninsula which is prime tourist area for here. There’s one like it on Youtube but probably not the same device.

    Not suggesting of course that you’d be a rural bogan Hav! I meant, erm, other ute drivers.

    Yeah once they burn one out (starter motors I mean) the ring gear often gets chewed up too. Old man had that happen a bit on his old red motor HG panelvan. Actually thought it was happening on my old V6 Magna back in Brisvegas but it was just noisy as hell. Very sensitive to staying on the ignition after the bastard turns over, they were.

    I think Lerm might be nicking your ute photos in order to pull rural chicks on his next trip out west. Don’t know where he’d have got a poor idea like that from.

    Astroturf… no bloody way. Gives friction burns that look like you’ve been taken to with a blowtorch. Fucking awful.

  17. Thought so on that ute. The body lines are identical to an El Camino from that time, except of course for the nose-and I’ll bet an ’80 Caprice/El Camino nose would fit perfectly.

  18. ME think that doc…NEVAAAR!

    Yeah, I think we need to edumicate the RHINO, doing the slide on astro, unless its laced with water, which just may well generate ball issues is NOT a good IDEA. After All, we play harder mens games than those thar yankeeeeeees.

  19. Keeping on those paddocks? Fuck off. You’d be making sure the bowlers were accurate, none of that diving to save byes bullshit.
    The ute looks nicwely done up. But does the fucking cigarette lighter work? Gotta run the handheld spottie off something when gunning for foxes, you feral.

  20. a got me there…..

    Therbs: Would you believe I do not use the ciggi lighters. In the 4wd, its lighter only and I put my buts in a bottle of water in the console, Ashtrays are for change or vehicle stinks.

    SPOTLIGHT, thats from a dedicated socket that will b fitted to the rear, Lightforce make a Mount that operates of the side of the door, NO HOLES IN ANY OF MY VEHICLES ROODS. Shell casing marks are another matter all together, along with Blood on the tow bar and in the back as well, occasionally down the side of the UTE, as you fling the dead object into the back whilst sitting in the seat, having driven up to it and opened the door..LAZY bugger when possible.

  21. One of my dad’s mates kept a hammer on the floor. Who ever sat in the passenger seat had to use it. The old bastard didn’t like to waste ammo if the shooter hadn’t made a killing shot. A real hands on introduction in how to tell foxes to fuck off during lambing season. We just accepted it as part of what you do on a farm. It was fun haring around the paddocks in the ute chasing the critters.

  22. You big girl’s blouse. Just stomp some cow pats into the divots and put the heavy roller over ’em.

  23. Therbs,,HAMMERS a VWERY useful and don’t get me started on foxes at lambing..OMFG..but good fun

    JB.. COW PATS, Well, at the Altona ground you get to deal with DOG SHIT..CLOSE..hey, we are slightly more cultured than that I shall have you know….well some

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